


Left wanting

by rholou



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 21:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11952669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rholou/pseuds/rholou
Summary: Aaron needs to tell Robert something.





	Left wanting

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, this happened. Not quite sure when it's set, not today but maybe not too far away either. Another one of them I'm not too sure about and what was in my head came out a little differently than I intended but I enjoyed writing it, hopefully someone will enjoy reading it.

Aaron deleted the text for the fourth time. He was definitely over thinking this. He should just keep it simple.

Aaron:Can you come round? 

He pressed send before he could change his mind again.

He didn't have to wait long for a reply, it came almost instantly.

Robert: I'll be right there.

He put the kettle on and was just stirring milk into two coffees when there was a knock at the door.

It was still weird having to let Robert into what was supposed to be his home too.

"What's up?" Robert asked nervously following him as he walked back into the kitchen.

Aaron picked up one of the cups and passed it to the other man before speaking.

"I've been thinking".

"Okay?" Robert frowned. "About?"

"Us" Robert took a step back and put his cup back down on the side without having taken a drink from it.

"What do you...I mean...um" it wasn't very often Robert was at a loss for words.

"So there's a few things I want to say, that I need you to hear".

"I'm listening".

"I feel like I've spent my whole life either pushing people away or leaning on them too much" Robert looked like he wanted to say something but he stayed quiet and Aaron appreciated that. "I find it really hard to trust people, you know that" Robert nodded and bit his lip. "And everyone I've ever loved has let me down one way or another".

Robert opened his mouth and shut it again, his eyes full of guilt.

"But..." Aaron sighed and ran a hand over his face, this was harder than he'd expected, laying it all out like this. Saying things he'd only ever said in the safety of his counsellors office, even to Robert who knew more about him than anyone, made his palms sweaty and his heart race. "I know sometimes I don't give them any other option, I keep pushing until....".

"Don't" Robert tried to stop him.

"I'm not saying it's okay, I'm just saying I understand it a little. But this isn't about Rebecca, this is about us. When all that happened last year, with Gordon you were amazing, I couldn't have got through it without you, but you were right you always have to be the strong one. I needed you to be, I got used to it but that's not fair on either of us. I needed to learn how to be strong for myself as well, to learn how to not need you".

He could see tears in Robert's eyes and he knew how rare that was, he couldn't stop now though, he needed to say this.

"And I think I have" Robert smiled at him, it was sad but full of pride. "It's taken a while and I'm not fixed"

"You're not broken" Robert reached a hand out towards him before dropping it back down.

"Maybe a little cracked" Aaron smiled at him as he said the words. "But once things became a little clearer for me, when I stopped reacting and had a a chance to really think I realised something, I don't need you anymore".

Robert looked like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"I don't, I'm okay, I can do this on my own. Don't get me wrong I'm pretty sure I'll screw up again, nothing's that simple with me is it? But I think I'll be all right in the end".

"I'm pleased for you, all I really want is for you to be happy, you know that. I just...."

"I'm not finished" Aaron interrupted him.

"Okay" Robert's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"So I don't need you anymore" Robert almost looked annoyed now, like how many times did he need to hear it. Aaron took a deep breath."But I want you".

"What?" Robert looked like he thought he'd heard him wrong.

"I want you" Aaron stepped closer to him.

"I don't...understand" Robert didn't step away but he didn't move closer either. "Do you mean sex, because don't get me wrong I miss that too, but I don't think that's a good idea".

"No I don't mean sex, well not just that" Aaron grinned at him. "I mean I want you, I want us".

"Don't say it if you don't mean it" Robert voice cracked half way through, Aaron had never seen him more vulnerable.

"I mean it. I want you, I love you" Robert let out a sob when he heard that word and Aaron pulled him to him. He felt Robert bury his head in his shoulder.

"And I love you, more than I can say. I'm so, so sorry" Robert was gripping his back so tightly that it almost hurt.

"I know, I know you are" he spoke into his hair. Robert pulled back to look him in the eyes.

"Does this mean....?"

"I don't know, I don't know what it means. It's not going to be easy, we both know that but I want to try. Do you?" Aaron's mouth went dry.

Robert didn't answer with words, instead he pulled him to him and kissed him. He kissed him like his life depended on it, his fingers gripping his upper arms tightly. Aaron reached his hands up to cup the back of his neck, his fingers running through the soft hairs there. They kissed until Aaron thought he might pass out from lack of oxygen, but he didn't care, he'd missed this, so much.

Eventually they had to stop though. They stood there with their foreheads resting against each other, both grinning like idiots.

"So you didn't answer my question" Aaron said a little breathlessly.

"Can I think about it?" Robert smirked at him.

"Wow" Aaron shook his head at him and laughed.

This time when they kissed it wasn't as rushed, it was slow and sweet and everything Aaron had ever wanted.

 

 

 

 

2


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